prayers of the lowly

Here you see, there you go

Another time in the flow

Open my eyes from time to time, and yet

Still I retreat to the shadow of death

But then it comes, one, twice, again

The darkest questions forced upon men

Hit me everytime I try to move forward

And I understand that the pieces aren’t in order

And its funny because the heart is being tugged at

But the brain is the only thing working at the end of the aftermath

And I cry to my heart and my soul to contemplate whats going on

And wonder why its missing, the very thing that I long

As if my life switch aint turned on

Or that its being drowned out by a much louder song

So I retreat into the dark night, into the quiet of the noise

Occupy myself with these material toys

While you wait for me, and I try to long for you

Man, I keep trying, but this song aint new

I cant exactly figure out what you say when this relationship takes two

Or perhaps its because im sitting on a throne made of fools

I worry too much, as if there are answers waiting for me

I understand the vision, but I don’t really know how to see

My eyes, they are old, my brain seems to be working less and less

And sometimes I feel like my soul has digressed

I thought that if I long for you, you’d answer

Appreciate our distance as righteous anger

And come down and reveal yourself to me

And release me from these bars, letting me free

And yet I acknowledge what I need

And wait to be free

And I look around, and I cant seem to see

The presence of a saviour, or even a comforter

Or even just the hand of a brother

Or maybe Im too scared to ask

That its waiting for me and I choose not to climb the raft

Maybe theres something happening where im not taking the next step

That im looking for it in the right, when I should be exploring the left

Maybe im deaf

Maybe im drowning in my other problems, at best

But you favour perseverance

You say that if I have you, I don’t even need my hearing

Because you penetrate my soul when I am unaware

You exist and believe in me when I don’t care

Theres something present about you when Im not even there

Or when I don’t seem to be aware

So ill say it again and again

Even though I know I could be doing so much more

The first step is asking

It’s the acknowledgement that’s going to start the happening

So ill ask again, each and every night

Penetrate my life.

insight from a friend

"God calls you to the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet"

love, sex, the whole damn thing...

Sexuality has always existed, and yet, at the same time, it has not. While we cannot deny that people have had sexual orientations, preferences, and desires since the dawn of time, my almost complete undergraduate history degree has taught me that "sexuality", as we think of it today, has not always existed.

In the late 19th Century, North America saw the arrival of a group of scientists, theorists, and intellectuals who called themselves the Sexologists. Now, as the name suggests, you would think that this would be some sort of Justice-League style group of superheroes that save the world (or give the world..whatever your preference may be) of sexuality. While they may have done something along those lines, they did something far more interesting. Sexologists began to coin terms such as homosexual and heterosexual, grouping individuals within society into these categorical bins. Joe was a homosexual, Jane was a heterosexual, Bill was a transvestite, Mark was scientifically concluded to be "the other".

Now before this, sexuality did not really exist; or it did not exist in the same manner. Although sexuality existed in the sense that it was real, it was not a defining factor of who one was. Nonetheless, as the Sexologists stepped on the scene, individuals were given new identities; core identities; which were ultimately marked by their sexuality.

It was not until the 1990s that a strong and collective movement was able to fight back this idea. Those that adopted "Queer Theory" acknowledged that while sexuality did exist naturally, its categories were social constructions. These constructions often were linked and influenced by concepts of power, authority, and control within society, and usually did not stand for what they actually were said to represent. These Queer Theorists promoted the idea that sexuality was a position, but not an ultimate and full marker of who one was at his or her core. While the Sexologists suggested that sexuality was static; that which could not be changed; Queer Theorists offered the counter that sexuality was in fact fluid; malleable, replaceable, and changing.

Many people, in my view, have fallen into the "sexologists trap", and may I suggest that we have a much to learn from the Queer Theorists (although hardcore Christians may have to adopt a new title...after all, aren't we against queers?).

The Westboro Baptist Church (www.godhatesfags.com) is a good place to start. The WBC, started by Pastor Fred Phelps, is located in Kansas, and is a self-proclaimed "Old School Baptist Church". What does that mean? Well, it means that they believe that they are one of the few churches left who follow the Bible according to scripture. More important to this topic is that they believe that it is their responsibility to preach to the world, as they say scripture professes, hate for individuals who support things like abortion, publicized sexuality, and homosexual rights. They are well known for their protests and demonstrations at american soldiers' funerals, proclaiming their message that men like these are dying as punishment for the United States' acceptance of homosexual rights. This goes nicely with their "GOD HATES FAGS" and "AIDS CURE FAGS" signs, which they happily hold.

Now why do I mention them? Although I do not known anyone personally that 1. believes what they are doing is right, and 2. has taken their faith into such a ridiculous extreme, I believe that there is still a message we can learn from them. While we may not be "the most hated family in the world", we, like the sexologists and the WBC, as people sometimes get into the habit of categorizing people instead of seeing them as individuals in and of themselves. Psychology has taught me that as humans, we tend to groups similar things together, well, because we have poor memories and believe that shortcuts (or quick triggers) help us be more efficient (while many Starcraft players nod in agreement). Sure this makes sense for lists, items, and maybe even plants. But for people?

Why is it that I can list 3 names: Lance Bass, Freddy Mercury, and Elton John, and all we can think of is one word (musicians?). But it goes beyond sexuality. It appears in the office place, on campus, within our classes, or even the food court. We love to stigmatize the individual; we love to categorize the independent.

What made Jesus an interesting character is that he saw people for who they were. In my readings of the gospel, it seems quite clear that Jesus looked past identities that society had placed on people, groups that individuals willingly or unwillingly were part of, and looked at the person right at the core of who they were. In one instance, he eats dinner with the poor-moraled thief Zaccheus, and in another, chills by a well for an afternoon with the whore of the community. The only one who, in my opinion, had a right to lay judgement onto those around him, simply didn't. Maybe, one may argue, he couldn't; because all he could see was an innocent and beautiful individual beneath all the layers.

Whether you believe in a God or not, it doesn't matter; there is a lesson to be learned. If we as humans started to see people beyond the categories society has placed them in, beyond the peripheral identities that define them, and into the core of who they were, the world would be a different place. For one, it would be a whole lot easier to love people. We love the idea of world peace and although hippies are few these days, many still believe in the banner that "love is all you need". If we started to see people for who they were, I believe that we will be able to find something good within them; something that is lovable about each and every single person you may meet.

Further, if we started to see people as individuals; if we saw Bob as Bob, and not a custodian, or saw Jane as Jane, and not the mayor; we would start giving people the credit they truly deserve. We know and interact with so many people daily, and yet most of them mean nothing to us. But when we see people as individuals in and of themselves, we begin to realize that people are more than the categories we allocate them to. Students in your class do not just think about early modern european thought all day, they experience joy; co-workers do not just make deadlines, they cry and feel pain too.

watch Tony Campolo's story of a gay son (duration- 5:14)

Homosexuals do not just have sex all day, they pray and experience faith as well.

reminder

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying the gospel of God's grace" -Acts 20:24

life is beautiful

another one about life and time

about the beauty of love and the fineness of mine

its funny when the rest of the world can be frowning

and be telling each other their lives are f'd

but I see it that theres beauty people leaving left

on the pavement, because their hands cant carry

the infinite weight of their own priorities

and that such stupid things take seignority

still things that are dead seem to have so much authority

man, if only i could open your eyes

make you see through a different lens the beauty of life

even on a rainy day as this

even still learning about the dangers of a mist

the Lord, man, he longs to tell us this

that all we want to do is labour and toil

but the Lord God is tryign to remove from our eyes that foil

bring us that truth

take away these stupid lies, and give us anew

the wonders of life

see you dont need to make a secular playlist, right

because in the heart of God and the heart of love

all the music we hear can be from above

even the death metal, I think that theres more

than satanic cries and lustful thirst

nah nah, theres still more

didn't David write songs when he was pissed off with the Lord?

Through those angry chords

I just hear a man singing his heart out even more

sometimes than I do in church, or when Im sitting in the pews

man the cries of their hearts, in some ways, captures perfectly the truth

and captures perfectly a vision of our youth

I pray for them that they would inspire and commune

and build eachother up

Warden, man, I give you all my love

Teach and preach the beauty of life in those streets

Let the beauty of life spread and reign throughout Cataraqui

And let God keep working strong in Layton and Fir Valley

another prayer, another night

another hour the devil and angels try to fight

for my soul

its so insane that i dont even know

how much im worth to Him, how much hes fighting for

me, and all my brothers and sisters round

for the sinners, the haters, and all those that feel left out

so let my footsteps be of heaven

let my words speak of the Lord

Let each chord

be an echo so infinitely unheard

but learned

because sometimes this is how I pray

Sometimes when the soul is weary

Im caught in the knowledge Im supposed to fear thee

But then I just go about spending my hours wasting my time

Till the voice and breath of God is released in a rhyme

The soul longs for rest, I cant give it that

My brain, my mind is consumed by the world's math

And Im told that there is a solution breathing deep within the word

And if I come to him and speak, my prayers will personally be heard

But the boy's heart cant bring himself to his knees

Rather seek that peace in the things of me

And sometimes when you are restless the last thing you want to do is to sit and wait

Dont want to sit and wallow in the hate

That is brewing within

Somehow, Im sure, connected to my continuous sins

But the voice of God in conquers straight through

Teaching and preaching in the hearts of me and you

His voice emits from our mouths, from our tongues and our lips

In our actions, our thoughts, into our hands like a gift

But the heart is unsure and the mind wants something else

the heart is directionless and the mind just needs help

But the prayer of God powers through

And in your heart, a new song starts to grew

A love song, about me and you

About the air and the breeze

About how our souls can break free

About the way a man runs across a field

Love expresses itself in the reflection of steel

And I realize, I try to escape the love of God

I try to fight the one that not only created us all

But breathed his life into our souls

So that we can realize that LOVE is our end goal

He shows it through everything

Through the songs we sing

Both in church and at home

In the pews and when we are alone

In the organs and violins

And the hardcore rhymes which helps you feel the sting

And even though we often equate this beauty to the others

Trying to open our eyes is the great heavenly Father

My eyes are closed, my hands stretched out reaching for something new

But I fail to realize you've planted a tree in me that keeps bearing more fruit

Each piece new every day

Each piece rediscovered in a fresh revitalizing way

And hes penetrating through my mind and fingers

Like the holiest and most majestic of singers

But my heart doesn't feel it

Do you understand when I say my soul can't really conceive it?

I know what you are saying to me, trust me

But maybe I am still learning to believe that its good to be free

Trapped in the system of authority

Maybe I've yet to fully understand that all you've ever wanted was me

Maybe my prayer is bittersweet

But maybe right now thats where you want it to be...

the future needs a big kiss

What did you want to be when you were younger? What motivated you and kept you going? What were your dreams (both conscious and unconscious) filled with?

As children, many of us had big plans for our lives; HUGE plans for the future. We dreamed of being spacemen and spacewomen; being explorers of the unknown and literally pushing the boundaries of the human capacity. Others dreamed of being firemen, doctors, and veterinarians because we wanted to devote our futures to caring for others. There was just something satisfying about taking a toy medical set and magically healing someone, just to let them know that "they were all better". Others, like myself, dreamed of being a professional hockey player in the NHL. I did not start playing ice hockey until grade five, but years before that I just knew that I had it in me. I certainly did not dream of being in the OHL or almost making the NHL, I dreamed about being in the NHL.

The question now is what happened? Did reality hit? Did we realize that being an astronaut was a foolish goal? Did we come to the conclusion that there really is more to life than simply just "helping people out"? I mean, we have to help ourselves out first, right? Did I realize I did not have the capacity to excel at a professional level in any and every sport? What happened?

Obviously as we get older we see things in a broader light and we begin to understand what is practical and what is not; what is feasible and what is foolish. Let's face it: if i have not realized that my dreams of making the NHL are over by now, my life would be headed towards utter chaos and disappointment. As we grow up, we learn to adjust the wild and endless dreams we used to have.

But maybe as we have grown up, we have adjusted them too much, or we have forgotten how to dream altogether. Reality hits us so hard, perhaps, that we no longer strive for the unimaginable, but rather we strive for what is do-able; what seems like the right thing to do. When we think of the future, less and less do our eyes widen and our hearts beat faster at the mere thought of the potential of our lives. Think about it: the potential of our lives. When we were kids, we certainly had big dreams and in no way did we want to just be normal. We wanted to be the best; we wanted to literally have our lives stretched as far as possible to do what we were meant to do. And as I survey many of my peers and older, I begin to realize that that idea of doing what we were meant to do is fading. Our dreams become smaller, and our view of ourselves become slightly more unattractive, unappealing, and typical.

So what do we strive for now? Of course there are some who still have big dreams of the fancy cars, big mansion, and packs of girls following them around and clinging onto their every word. Sure there are people like that, but lets face it: most of the time their motives are selfish and embarrassing, and, honestly, it's hard to call that dreaming big. As children we were dreaming about the full potential of who we could be, not what we could own or how many letters or inches we on.

But for the society that I am a part of, as a majority, it seems we strive for one key thing: stability. We like the idea of being stable. We like the idea of having enough money to put food on the table; to keep gas in the engine, and occasionally spoil ourselves on a shopping spree. We like the idea of having the same job forever: that if it pays well and the co-workers are nice, there really is not anything else more you can ask for. We like the idea that a tornado will not sweep through our city tomorrow morning and our house will not be reduced to a pile of scrap wood. We like that stability, and let's be honest, who wouldn't? They are fairly reasonable things to want, so why would we not desire them?

But the real issue here is not that we want this, but that this is what our dreams have diminished to: stability. We went from wanting to explore the deepest regions of outer space to wanting a house in a safe community. Really the sad part of this is that our dreams of stability really lead us towards a stagnant life. People in middle to upper-class Western society seem to strive to make their way into a cyclical lifestyle that neither progresses or advances; instead, like a cycle, it boringly just goes around in a circle. The life I believe many are working towards, and many are currently already in, is a goal of being able to find a nice paying job that will provide financially for them and their family, and in turn will create a comfortable lifestyle and comfortable atmosphere for them to continue working with their job so they will not get fired, and stay in their position so they can provide financially for them and their family...

Don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of responsibility, but again I must repeat myself, is this what our be-all-and-end-all dreams have diminished to? Have we just adopted a mindset of settling and just finding a comfortable niche that we can call our home for the rest of our lives until we die? Once we hit this cycle, are we just counting the days until it is over, or are we truly striving to live everyday to the fullest; striving to live our lives to their fullest? We have narrowed our views on ourselves and we are so quick to crush anything inside us that is telling us that we can be more. We have come a long way from our imaginative and wild dreams, to now, where our dreams are, well, just practical. It is hard to change the world and make a difference if our biggest and wildest hopes and goals for ourselves are merely restricted by practicality and reality. I am starting to understand more and more what Jesus meant when he said "Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it".

I work with a lot of children and youth throughout the year and, naturally, am exposed to many of their plans for the future. Some of them want to be superheroes, while others want to be musicians, while some want to be construction workers. Money, fame, and status usually have nothing to do with their decisions, rather they are motivated by this idea that they can change the world; that they can have an dramatic impact on the world, and they can play their part in making it a better place. I pray that as they grow up, that the world they so desire to save will not taint them, but rather, they will strive to break free from normality and never forget how to dream big.