death and all his friends

Part of me is hesitant to write this post because it is just too cliche. But it is something I have had to remind myself of in the past few days, and I feel like it is something that has been trapped in my brain and needs to find its way to paper (or our 2009 technological equivalent). So here goes.

A couple days ago, my friend and I were talking about death. I mentioned how I try to remind myself that I could die at any time. He was a bit hesitant to agree, as he felt that a life that reminds itself of its death does not really have room to live. Where I somewhat agreed with him, I argued that it was a matter of perspective. If one reminds oneself of the frailty and spontaneity of life, there are two common responses: 1. they become so focused on death that, like my friend said, they refuse to live, seeing it as futile and meaningless. This, probably, leads to some sort of depressing or sad outlook on life and a dull and pointless existence. This, I believe, is more or less what my friend was trying to say. However, the other response, 2., is that you are constantly reminded that life is finite, but good. Instead of wasting each day, you acknowledge that at any given moment you could die, and therefore, should start figuring out what it means to live life to the fullest. Perhaps instead of waiting for "when you're older" or "when there is a better time" to fulfill all your dreams and aspirations, you begin to start taking advantage of the opportunities that are available to you a this very moment. Don't get me wrong, I am not encouraging a lifestyle of temporary, short term hedonism. Rather, I am suggesting that by acknowledging the frailty of life will we start realizing that it is a wonderful blessing and opportunity we have to partake in the task of living.

I guess it is like when you have a good meal. One of the best feelings is getting a huge and tasty meal placed right in front of you, knowing A) that is going to be good, and B) that this is just the beginning. As you get about halfway through the meal, you realize that at some point you are going to eventually finish this meal, or you will become too full to eat the rest of it. This is always a state of panic because you feel like you have wasted the first half of the meal not appreciating the mouthfuls you eagerly stuffed down your throat. So the big dilemma: half a steak, half a lump of mashed potatoes, half a cup of coffee. What do you do? Sometimes you just ignore the fact that your food is slowly decreasing in size. You reach the end, and maybe you enjoyed it, and maybe you didn't. It is a chance really. Another option is that you acknowledge that the food is going to be gone soon and spend the rest of the time moping while trying to stuff down piece by piece into your mouth. At the end, you were right: the meal is gone and, as you expected, it could have been better. The last option, however, is that you learn to appreciate the rest of the meal. You take smaller slices at a time, you chew a little slower. At the end, sure you may have some regrets and might wish that it did not end, but at least you know feel satisfied and content with the meal.

I am not sure if this analogy makes much sense or is particularity useful. What I am trying to get at is that at the end of your life do you think you will be satisfied and content? To live is a wonderful thing, possibly one of the greatest opportunities we will ever get. Question the things in your life that you want to do: is there a good reason why you are waiting to do them? There are legit reasons, I admit. For example, I want to travel the world, but I have no money. Hence when I obtain more money, somewhere in the future, I hope I will be able to travel. But right now, less money = legitimate reason not to travel. Think about your own life: maybe there are good reasons for some of the things you want in life to be put on hold, but maybe, just maybe, some of these dreams are being held back by poor reasons. Are you just waiting for a day that may or may not come? A job that pays a salary that may or may not suffice? What are you sacrificing right now to accommodate for a future that may never come? People in your life? Experiences that only come once?

If you found out that you only had one more day to live what would you do on that day? I had a discussion about this with two of my friends last week, and we all came up with interesting responses. I said a couple of things: I would hug people more, I would eat a lot with all my friends and everyone I cared about, and I would walk around downtown with my guitar or ukulele and just sing to random people. When I think about it, it is not necessarily the actions that I want to do, but the reasons behind them that I want to communicate to people before I die. I want to show people that I love them for no reason other than I love them. I want to experience my friends and family at the height of their joy (in my opinion, when they eat). And I want to give people an outlet to be vulnerable, laugh or sing in a rigid and silent society, because there is no possible way they could be more embarrassing or humiliating than the idiot with the guitar. I hope I can learn what it means to do this in my life as early as possible.

I am not saying do not set long term goals for yourself. Of course I think this is important. What I am saying is do not let your entire life depend on these goals to make you happy or to give you a sense of satisfaction, because you may never reach them. Instead, live life now: take that in whatever way it defines itself to you.